EL-P - Cancer 4 Cure (2012)

Review by: Franco Micale
Album assigned by: Jonathan Moss

I’m going to be honest, I’m not one who is really qualified to review rap music. For one thing, I have been so busy lately that I have not been able to find a satisfying amount of time to really digest, listen to and examine this album from multiple angles. On top of that, hip hop is such a lyrically focused genre of music, and while I can be good at analyzing and dissecting apart literature, poetry, and lyrics, it tends to take me a lot of work, and I’ve just finished my summer quarter of school and I really don’t want to force myself to write an essay detailing the philosophical and sociological messages of “Cancer 4 Cure”. So, pardon me if I am not reviewing and judging this album “properly”. 

I will talk about what I know, and this album sounds amazing. The whole thing, when I visualize it, is like some giant, cinematic, sci-fi action movie, except the movie is about some dystopian society filled with drones, security cameras, and watchguard robots. E-lp’s lyrics seem to deal with detachment and disassociation from the world...finding dissatisfaction from relationships, cheap thrills, technology, fame, the government... just listening to him rap stirs my soul in various way. I can feel the ANGER, the RAGE, the PASSION in what he’s doing, both in his words and his delivery. I don’t know if I can really nail down any specific moments that catch my attention, but to me I consider this album to be solidified proof that anyone who says that rap music is a “stupid” genre of art either:

Have barely heard any rap music, or

Are over the age of 40 and can no longer find appreciation in trendy new types of music

Anyways, moving on, let’s discuss the SOUND and STYLE of this album.This album is a mixture of synthesized sounds, mechanized drum beats, and variety of samples and big, attention grabbing effects, which all seem to create what is the auditory equivalent to a high budget sci-fi movie. This flashy production contrasts and compliments E-lp’s frustration and desperation in a consumeristic and technology driven world,and on a surface level, everything just dazzles me.

Overall, I could go into more detail, but eh. I just don’t feel like it. I’ll let you listen to it, and decide for yourself the quality of this album.

So overall, even though I don’t feel extreme love towards it, it’s a perfectly great and solid album with not a real bad moment. For people who are interested in rap music, but aren’t really sure where to start, this might not be a bad beginning point.

Did I enjoy this album? A: Yes

Should you listen to this album? A: If you like rap music, yes you should.

Is it essential that you listen to this album? A: I don't know how innovative or revolutionary or how different this is from other rap music, so I don't know if I can answer this. But yes, it feels important enough.

If you like this album, what should you listen to? A: I haven't heard them, but Run The Jewels is the main project that E-lp is a part of, so I'd check that out.

FAVORITE TRACK? A: Album was very consistent, can't quite pick out one.

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK? A: N/A

THE FART GUYS - The Fart Guys (1998)

Review by: Andreas Georgi
Album assigned by: Franco Micale

This review was a breeze! No one had to pull my finger to do it. At first I was like the constipated composer – he was stuck on his last movement. Or the constipated accountant - he couldn’t budget! Listening to this album was like a breath of fresh air. Rip roaring fun. It’s a real gas! This album is like farting in an elevator – it’s wrong on so many levels. Then again, a crowded elevator always smells different to a midget.. I’m not one to wear my fart on my sleeve, but as they say, laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they'll stop laughing. Confucius say, "Man who fart in church sit in own pew." Therefore, so as not to be selfish, I would like to share some spirited poetry:

A Belch is but a gust of wind

That cometh from the Heart,

But should it take a downward trend,

Turneth into a Fart

Beans, beans, the musical fruit

The more you eat, the more you toot

CRAZY FROG - Crazy Frog Presents Crazy Hits (2005)

Review by: Franco Micale
Album assigned by: Jonathan Moss

See the video for the review:

CATHERINE RIBEIRO + ALPES - Le Rat Dèbile Et L'Homme Des Champs (1974)

Review by: Franco Micale
Album assigned by: Roland Bruynesteyn

Although I like this album, it’s very difficult for me to actually judge it for what it is. The big issue I have is that I don’t speak French, so therefore half the time I have no idea what is going on; a lot of the music here seems to be highly lyrically centered. Also, the production and musical content here leaves much to be desired. Basically, the best way to describe this album is that it’s like a mixture of Renaissance, Can, and Nico, except with a very sparse range of instrumentation. There is also a noticeable lack of drums on this album, and although this sound does make for a fairly unique style, it wouldn’t have hurt to ingrain some more rhythmic textures to the songs. On top of that, the production is rather weak to my ears, as the instruments sound muddled together without any attempt to make the tones or timbres shine out. Also, melodically, few of the songs here really stick to my attention in any way, but I don’t think the band was necessarily aiming to create catchy melodies, so I’ll give them a pass.

However, despite all these flaws, I can’t deny that Catherine Ribeiro totally owns the show here. She displays some of the greatest and most expressive singing I’ve ever heard in rock music. I remember I once made an argument about how good singing in music was just as important as solid songwriting, and I declare this album as definitive proof of how right I was. If someone with a horrible voice had sung any of this, then I guarantee this would have been unlistenable, but this woman really raises this album’s quality from abysmal to highly captivating.

Because of Ribeiro, I can honestly say that the first three songs on this album are actually really great, all else aside. The album hits it off with “La Petite Aux Fraises”, a rushing piece with an intense performance from Catherine and a gripping arrangement, in which all the instruments sound as if they are racing against each other. There is also this jiggly and jostling percussive sound that I can’t quite discern. It sounds similar to the electric jug that would appear on a 13th Floor Elevator song (like on this tune), but I can’t tell. Anyone know?

The next piece, “L’ere De La Putrefaction,” is one of the two lengthy suites on the album, and it definitely has a “thematic” and “epic” feel to it. Even though it feels a little clunky at times (what’s with that gap of silence between the third and fourth movement of the suite?), when the piece gets heated, it’s BURNING. I especially love the last part, where the music gets all intense, Catherine boasts her singing out loud, the organ plays a fiery, Morricone-esque melody, and then they even bring in DRUMS! FRICKIN’ DRUMS! The piece just builds up more and more, the drums start going crazy and banging all over the place, all the instruments start doing random stuff, and then BOOM BOOM BOOM! Everything crashes and ends with a blast. Whoa...the whole thing plays out like a climactic scene in an epic movie, and if the rest of the album was like this, I definitely I would have gushed over this more.

Now, as the individual songs go, my favorite song here is the folky “Un Regard Clair”, if only because of how great Catherine sings on this track. Listen to how she oscillates her voice back and forth, swaying between triumph and despair, as if all the passion swelling within her is about to break her down in tears. And kudos to whoever wrote that concise yet anthemic organ melody that correlates to her singing, as it pushes the piece’s emotional power a few inches further. 

So that’s the first side: Extremely solid. Had that side been released alone, I would have easily given this album an 8/10. But then comes the second side, completely comprised of a 25 minute suite, and from this point on my opinion on the album becomes distorted. Basically, this isn’t so much a song as it is a long-winded poem spoken by Catherine, with the music providing the atmosphere and texture. Now see, it’s difficult for me to judge any of this because, well, I don’t speak French, so therefore I have no idea what the hell is going on. So this means I only have the music to focus on, and frankly, a lot of this is very grating. On one hand, I can admit Catherine really gives a fantastic performance on this track, injecting so much life and personality into the words that she speaks. When I focus on her voice, I find myself really enthralled by the track. On the other hand, the actual music here is very tedious, with no rhythm, structure, or logic to hold anything together. I guess it can be amusing at first, but the end result sounds like an ill-fated cover of The Doors’ “Celebration of the Lizard”. Perhaps once I major in French, I can appreciate this more… but for right now, ehhhh...

So in conclusion, flaws aside, I would say that while this isn’t the most likable album ever made, this is a perfectly enjoyable one if you pay close attention to Ribeiro’s voice, and disregard all of the other flaws surrounding the album. She is able to find all sorts of pitches, moods, and resonances to keep the music engaging. Once you have that in mind, everything else becomes very interesting, as she is able to lead you down this twisted, confused, yet sprawling and ambitious journey. But no matter what, this album is really not easy to swallow, so proceed with caution!

Melody: 2/5 

Resonance: 5/5

Diversity: 1/5 

Adequacy: 1/5

Originality: 3/5

Overall: 6/10

PHILIP GLASS - Powaqqatsi (1988)

Review by: Andreas Georgi
Album assigned by: Franco Micale

“Powaqqatsi”, which means “Life in transformation” in Hopi, is the second of 3 “qatsi” films, for which Philip Glass scored and recorded the soundtrack. I am not familiar with the other two. I vaguely recollect seeing one of the 3 movies, and I THINK it was this one. The movie presents in a non-narrative manner without dialog several scenes of events around the world. I honestly don’t remember much more, but it has no bearing on the appreciation of this album. It definitely sounds like a movie soundtrack, but stands up very well as a work on its own. I am familiar with some, but not all, of Glass’s work – his piano etudes, the Low and Heroes Symphonies and “Knee Play” segments from “Einstein on the Beach”, as well as other scattered pieces I’ve heard performed over the years. The basic elements of Glass’s general style are very much identifiable in this music, but this is “big screen” Philip Glass. It uses Minimalist elements in its structure – the subtly-changing repeating simple lines that weave patterns with each other, but it certainly is not “minimalist” in its arrangements. Most pieces are quite dense with orchestra, percussion, choirs or other vocal ensembles, and a very wide range of different “ethnic” musical influences. This is kind of Glass’s “World Music” work, reflecting the themes of the movie. The sound alternately evokes Brazil, India, China, and the Middle East without necessarily directly quoting their musical styles. The obvious exception is the vocal (in Arabic, I assume) on “From Egypt”. Sometimes the music gradually transitions, while other times it jump cuts abruptly. Dense, bombastic (in a good way) pieces like “Caught” contrast with sparser & gentler passages.

In a nutshell, it’s a definite thumbs up for this one. The “CLASSICAL” and “MINIMALIST” labels should not scare away listeners. Glass’s work (as far as I know it) is very much tonal, and this album is quite accessible for listeners who are somewhat adventurous and interested in world music. 

This review is also posted on Amazon here.

THE RESIDENTS - Not Available (1978)

Review by: Jaime Vargas Sánchez
Album assigned by: Franco Micale

First, I absolutely won’t comment about the extra-musical aspects, the theory of obscurity, or whatever, as I think it’s probably a put-on.

How to describe it? Hmm, what about this? Imagine Mike Oldfield had gone totally insane right before the first recording session of “Ommadawn” and that might be a nice start. Minimalist synth phrases intermingle with weird voices, tribal-like beats are cut short by Steve Reich-esque signature changes…

The Mike Oldfield comment is not casual, as the ending section of Part One has a repetitive keyboard riff that appears throughout the album serving as a “main theme” of sorts, and it does remind me a bit of “Tubular Bells”. That part had begun with something that I can only describe as “electronic Moros y Cristianos music”, because it reminds me of the kind of music brass bands play in Eastern Spain the festivities that remember the Muslim vs Christian battles in medieval Spain. Which usually resemble Hollywood music like Lawrence of Arabia more than actual Moorish music but you get my drift. Part Two begins with a sax that is treated in the studio to sound like a folk instrument from Hell, segueing into a deranged deconstruction of a piano ballad and then some music that would be great as the soundtrack for a German expressionist film. When you thought that Part Three was going to be almost entirely devoid of interest they manage to set spooky music to an habanera rhythm. The beginning of Part Four sounds to me like a lo-fi version of Air’s “Moon Safari” which again seems to be spliced into a weird Latin-tinged thing. And the album continues with those wild juxtapositions.

In short, here’s an album that I find definitely interesting and might return to, although it does not “resonate” with me, which I don’t think was its purpose anyway. If you find yourself deeply moved by it, I don’t know what that says about you, honestly :)

By the way there’s an aspect of the album that brought me memories of my childhood: my grandpa had a Farfisa Matador-R organ from the 70s and some of the tones - and definitely the rhythm box sounds - remind me of it. A lot.

FAD GADGET - Gag (1984)

Review by: Francelino Prazeres de Azevedo Filho
Album assigned by: Franco Micale

Fad Gadget is the artistic pseudonym taken by Englishman Francis John Tovey, who Wikipedia describes as an avant-garde electronic musician. His 1984’s album, Gag, is notable for featuring industrial music’s most famous stick figure, Einstürzende Neubauten, on one track. So, it was to my surprise (a pleasant one), to find that this album is a catchy post-punk/new wave record.

It starts on the gothy side of the post-punk spectrum, with lyrics like “as I dream, I live / and as I sleep, I walk” or “they have no reflections / drink blood but pierce no veins”, that almost seem parodic, and might as well be. But as that kind of sound starts to overstay its welcome, Mr. Fad surprises me with the badfingerish “Stand Up”. The album then takes a turn towards the poppier and happier aspects of the genre, bringing acts like XTC to mind. Some tracks, like “One Man’s Meat” or “Jump” are clearly inspired by Gang of Four. Overall, the album is very diverse, even if it doesn’t depart from post-punk, because the genre has many possible paths, and Frank Tovey tries to go through all of them in a single record.

All this diversity wouldn’t be enough, if the songs weren’t good, but there isn’t a single weak track on this album. The strongest point to me is Fad’s voice. It has a remarkable range of moods and personalities, from the crooning on “The Ring”, to the more aggressive “Ad Nauseum”, and all of them are great. Instrumentally, the album is solid, with a wide variety of instruments that all contribute to the music, but in my limited listens throughout this week, nothing really jumped out as great. Even the Einstürzende Neubauten participation on “Collapsing New People” was good but not really impressive.

Overall, Gag is a pretty good album, and, I might say, one of the best I’ve listened of this era. It might even serve as an introduction to post-punk, because it travels through the many variants of the genre, always making sure to show their strong points.

JOE BATAAN - Subway Joe (1968)

Review by: Franco Micale
Album assigned by: Alejandro Muñoz G

Disclaimer: I’ve been really busy and stressed lately, and I kinda snapped when writing this review. I’m totally cool right now. Just letting ya’ll know…

I really apologize to whoever assigned me the review. 

Six reasons you should listen to this album:

6) Hey, you’ve had a long, tiring day. Why not give it a rest, relax, and enjoy some Latin/samba/congo/idon’tknowwhattodefine it as kind of music. Just...seriously...relax, everything will be fine. It will be alright. Say it with me now. Everything. Will. Be. Alright. Listen to that first track. Listen to those blaring horns, that deep, thumping, constantly grooving bass line, those absolutely jazzusical piano chords. It’s like Carlos Santana, except years before and without all those cathartic guitar solos. Okay maybe it’s nothing like Carlos Santana. Whatever, it’s fun, it’s relaxing, it’s not emotionally stirring, but it gives you good vibrations, makes you tap your feet, makes you calm and relaxed. Or perhaps it will make you energized and powered with hyper-positivity, depending what mood were you in before. Just don’t think about that work you still have to do. It’s not there. It’s there. It’s still there. But, right now let’s focus on it.

5) Hey, you know what, you’ve only listened to rock music all your life. Okay, sure, you are fan of electronic music, some classical, jazz here and there...but how much samba music have you heard? NONE. Except for maybe at some party you went to a while back. Nevermind, think of this as an opportunity to expand your horizons. Borden your taste. Show those hipsters how much higher your musical I.Q. is. Yeah, pst, they don’t listen to Joe Bataan do they? Do they? No they don’t. That’s right. They only know about Captain Beefheart or Faust, or someshit. Yeah, cool story guys. You listen to rock music that’s not very popular, that’s experiential, makes you so much more of an experienced listener doesn’t it now? Well, look at me. Look at the type of music I’m listening to. Yeah, fucking samba jazz latin music. It’s not experimental, but you know damn well there’s feeling to it. And, do you listen to that? No you don’t. Go back to your fucking Can or whatever experimental krautrock you wank off to. Fucking pseudo-intellects, trying to pose as intelligent music listeners. 

4) Maybe you are emotionally sad right now. Perhaps you are feeling horrible, or stressed, or unhappy. Hey, why not give a listen to Jaunto then? It’ll cheer you. From the first nanosecond that you hear those piano chords get struck, you know you are in for a sensational time. God, are you even listening to track right now? Listen to the individual instruments, how they all interact with each with such joy and enthusiasm. It’s as they are all throwing an enormous party, full of dancing, drinking, and laughter. Or perhaps they are just meeting up, and having a loud, lively conversation with each other, sharing jokes and wonderful memories and experiences with each other. Whatever it is these instruments are metaphorically feeling about each other, it is without doubt positive and full of friendship and love.

3) Well, what if you are throwing a party, and you need groovy music in the background. Maybe..you have no idea what kind of groovy music you want. Sure, you could have some disco, but you worry that people will think of it as too dated or cheesy or cliched. What if they think that you are some person who is stuck in the 70s, or whose music taste doesn’t extend past Paul Anka or Hall N’ Oats or The Bee Gees. WHAT IF THEY THINK YOU ONLY ENJOY OLD PEOPLE MUSIC? kay, how about some Miles Davis? Alright, then, let’s play some Miles Davis! That should be cool enough! I mean, you can still listen to Miles Davis and be cool and...oh wait, what if they think the music is boring? What if they think its too noddling? What if they think I’m pretenious for liking Miles Davis? WHAT MILES DAVIS ALBUM SHOULD I USE!? OH FUCK I HAVENT EVEN LISTEN TO MILES DAVIS! SHIT SHIT SHIT WHAT IF THERE IS SOMETHING LIKE HARSH OR DISSONANT IN THERE AND I FUCK EVERYTHING UP AND ALL MY FRIENDS AND ALL THOSE PEOPLE INVITED GET TURNED OFF BY ME AND I END UP HAVING NO FRIENDS ARE...alright, calm down. Calm down. What about some ambient? 

“That’s not groovy enough” - your conscience says

“Oh, okay” - you say

After an hour of feeling indecisive, you finally decide to settle upon the music of Joe Bataan’s “Subway Joe”. Ah yes, this is perfect. It’s sounds authentic and classic without being dated and corny, it can make you come off as having cool taste without making it seem like you are proud of it or anything, it can work as both music that can settle in the backround AND as something that you can just listen to for pleasure. That way, the music can be enjoyable to the people who attend your party, while at least not being incridebly distracting. Thank you Joe Bataan. You’ve saved me from my insecurity.

2) Second reason...hmmm...ugh. I don’t know. What do you think Tristan Peterson?

Tristan: Well, hm.  I don’t like latin music.  So I contradict just about everything you say about liking it.

Franco: Yeah well. 

ur a fgt

Tristan: that is true, i do enjoy taking it from behind now and then

Franco: ur stoopud

COME ON INSULT ME

Tristan: Why should I? If i start with one insult, then, well, daygo downhill from there

Franco: …

fish

fish

fish

fish

fish

fish

FISH

fi s h

fish fish fsih fsihfishi

fish + fish = fish

fish

fishco micale

troutmask problica

JGEIALJGEILAJSGILEJSAILGJILESJAGJALSIEJGILESAJIGLJSEL

trout fish

WIRE DID NOTHING WRONG

#FREEWIRE 2015

LONDON

CALLING

IS

SHITE

:^)

THATS TRISTAN

I DIDNT WRITE THAT

THAT WAS TRISTAN PETERSON

NOT FRANCO

IT WAS FRANCO

IT WAS ALL FRANCO

HE WAS DISGUISING HIMSELF AS ME

I DIDNT 

NOOOOOO

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME???

LOOK AT HIM AND LAUGH

no

i am not franco

i am not tristan

i am…

JONATHAN 

HOPKINS

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

JONATHAN HOP KINS

JONATHAN HOPKINS

FREE PUSSY RIOT

fuck fuck fuck shit shit shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit shit wshit

Franco hates london calling

no he doesn’t

yes he does

he’s been converted

to the meme side

the meme side of the moon

THE MEME SIDE OF THE FORCE

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEMMMMEEEEEEEE

PENIS

B

I

G

H

A

I

R

Y

B

A

L

L

S

J

O

N

A

T

H

A

N

H

O

P

K

I

N

S

dick dick dick pussy pussy pussy jonathan hopkins jonathan hopkins

1) Overall, this is a really great album. Really, sincerely. I loved it. It’s such HAPPY music, pouring with life and spirit. Yeah sure, there may be nothing experimental or groundbreaking or innovative or original or >insert music critic adjective here< but you know what this isn’t the type of music that one should carefully analyze or think very deeply about. This is the kind of music that one should just put on, sit down, and enjoy, without overthinking why they like it or what the meaning of the album is (unless the Spanish lyrics are actually about the collapse of society or some shit). Just, calm down, relax, and feel the grooves man. And try not to think about all that work you are avoiding.

#FREEMYNIGGABENO

SABBATH ASSEMBLY - Ye Are Gods (2012)

Review by: Franco Micale
Album assigned by: Ahmed Khālid

Religious music has never really been a personal favorite of mine. A major part of that is most likely because I don’t believe in the concept of an all-loving God, so I just can’t really find much a connection to lyrics about how I can truly be righteous if I just convert my evil ways and follow the Holy Spirit. There’s also the fact that much religious music just sounds monotonous. Most often, they are only trying to engender one emotion in me, and that is to feel enlightened and overwhelmed by thou holiest. Now, with that being said, just because I don’t believe in a point a work of art is trying to bring across doesn’t mean I can’t feel affected by it. Even with my lack of faith in most organized religion, I still feel uplifted by “My Sweet Lord” or “Supper’s Ready”. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I am not a nihilist or an existentialist, but listening to Current 93’s “I Have a Very Special Plan For This World” was still an absolutely terrifying experience. This is because, naturally, many of us homo sapiens have the ability to put ourselves in other people’s shoes, and empathize with how they feel, even if we don’t see the world from their exact perspective. This is only assuming, of course, if their artist succeeds in putting their shoes on our feet.

So with that being said, let me talk about Sabbath Assembly. From what I’ve gathered, these guys are huge followers of the “Process Church of The Final Judgement”, a large religious cult that believes in both God and Satan as equal deities. I don’t know about their other work, but their beliefs are such central focuses on “Ye Are Gods” that listening to this album feels like I am attending one of their church gatherings. Because of this, I would say that this album is an essential for people who follow the Process Church, or who are at least intrigued by their ideas, because you can really feel the passion these guys have for their religion, and many of the concepts they believe in are laid out quite clearly. However, since I am not a member, I cannot feel much emotional attachment to anything on here. The album never attempts to make the religion relatable or accessible to the everyday person, so conceptually, this ends up making me feel similar to how I feel whenever my parents force me to go to church with them, alienated and distant.

So with that out of the way, let me now discuss the music on here, which most part I quite enjoy it. Even though nothing on here is extremely amazing, they all slightly stimulates my senses enough to make me feel all pleasant and chill inside. The general vibe and production on this album makes me imagine the music is being played in front of me at a gothic cathedral, with a choir and a rock band, joining in time from time. In other words, while this isn’t exactly a diverse listen in terms of musical styles, there is a lot of different moods on here.

I will now give a little blurb on each and every song.

1) Let Us Give Praise And Validation: Has a folksy melody that turns into a gothic rant. Not really much to it, but I like the first section of the song, and it works as an album opener. 6/10

2) We Come From The One: A neofolk tune that has grinding cello sounds buried deep into the background, and a mandolin plucking along the left, as well as some chimes and violins. It’s good. 7/10

3) Bless Our Lord And Master: The second best track on here. The first half of the song has a hauntingly beautiful melody that, just vaguely, reminds me of a soft tune Genesis might have penned in their prog days. Underneath the front, I can hear what sounds like a...piano with some phaser and reverb attached to it? I can’t tell, but it’s a sweet touch, giving the piece even more of a gothic vibe to it. However, what really makes the song stand out is when, suddenly, mid-way, unexpected, it suddenly rocks out hard in a very powerful, almost death metal-esque way. Yeah, this one deserves a solid 8/10

4) We Give Our Lives: This song is a lot more bluesy than the other songs, and on further inspections, a lot more minimal too, with just an acoustic guitar and a bass backing up the vocalists. I like the way the singer gives out her voice, in a very dismal, whimpering, bluesy way. 7/10

5) Exit: This is one of my least favorite on the album. Like everything else on here, it boosts a cool vibe and production, but the repetitive chorus sounds much too much like cliched religious rock for me to enjoy, oozing head to toe with cheese. Up to this point, the album had an intriguing enough vibe to narrowly avoided being classified as “corny”, but alas, it seems as though the line has been crossed with this track. I remembered digging this on my first listen, but subsequently I found myself enjoying it less and less. Sigh, a 4/10 it is.

6) Christ, You Bring The End: Just a simple acoustic song with an okay melody. 5/10

7) And The Clarion Calls: A mid-tempo song that sounds very dark, airy, and ethereal. I like the electric piano and the way the singers harmonize in the mid section, and there’s a lovely little chime melody that pops in and out. However, the song I feel goes on for way too long at 5:30. I wouldn’t have put in the false ending. 7/10

8) In the Time of the Abandon II: This song I feel tries to go for a disturbing, apocalyptic mantra ala Current 93, but doesn’t quite hit it for me. The song doesn’t go on long enough, and there is not enough going on to really suck me into its atmosphere. 4/10

9) Transcendence: A spoken word track. I don’t fucking know what to rate it. -/10

10) The Love of the Gods: The only track that I can call “really really great”. I love the joyous, uplifting melody of the song, the layering of pianos and tinkering bells, and the celebratory vibe that the piece gives off. I get the image of an entire choir singing this song at the end of church, everyone in the pews enthusiastically joining and dancing along as it finishes. Wow, what a way to end the album. 9/10

All in all, it’s not a bad album, but it’s not like the most amazing special unique exciting mind blowing ejacuation-inducing musical work ever made. Just some pleasant, melodic music you can listen to while you worship Satan with your friends. B

THE BEATLES - The Beatles' Christmas Album (The Beatles Christmas Records 1963-69) (1970)

Review by: Charly Saenz
Album assigned by: Franco Micale

BEST SONG:  No idea! I’ll choose.. And this is my new Xmas song for 2016 (remind me in december):

Christmas Time (it's here again)

First time I feel grateful the Beatles didn’t last longer! 

1963! Young and innocent days, right? John and his usual acid humour ("I'd like to thank everyone for my birthday gifts but I just haven't enough pens!"). Wise bit about Paul having the audience send more adequate Beatle gifts (stop those jelly babies!). He was clever, huh? The best musical bits are John doing his deep voice and Ringo does the best King Wenceslas bit. Let the boy sing!

1964! Jingle bells intro. Guys are more professional hey!

Paul -"Don't know where we'd be without you (the fans)"

John - "The Army, Perhaps"

Lots of mad laughter, probably drug-induced (Drugs were invented already! But Dr Robert will turn up later). Those were the days! (Mary Hopkin)

1965! Ad-Lib record. Best Yesterday, off-key version ever. 

Some banter without any script and some great John and Ringo singing. Ringo thing was Xmas record, no doubt.

More psychedelic talk. We're entering the period (L-S-D!). They went to the dentist already, I bet. "AULD LANG SYNE" with some Vietnam and China mentions. And more Yesterday, beats Sinatra anytime!

This is an epic record, no doubt. Zappa level. Well a short record anyway. Guys, press it! Rating? Mm.. it’s a The Force Awakens in Stars Wars scale.

1966.. This one is truly weird! Don’t you love 1966? Could be the rehearsal for Tomorrow Never Knows.

Hisses here and there, they act a script? Pantomime! Old Stories told. Odd voices. And Everywhere is Xmas.

In the words of Gordon Gano when he remembered the chaos and turmoil in the Violent Femmes concerts "That was beautiful". 4 stars and a half on this record.

1967.. Gorgeous version of "Xmas time is here again". Bootleggers even made a song out of this, God Bless Them (Bob Dylan’s best album is no doubt “The Great White Wonder”). It’s Magical Mystery Tour quality, man. 

Their last Xmas record done together. Sad, that's life. This one gets a heartily thumbs up!

1968 - Interesting. Remixed bits of a sped up Helter Skelter, Ob-la-di Ob-la-da. Great Xmas song from Paul (the new one, the other one is dead - "HAPPY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY NEW YEAR, ALL THE BEST TO YOU FROM HERE".)

I would have put this in the White album instead of Revolution 9, probably. Gets a pass!

1969 - Yoko is here. Geez. John preparing corn-flakes; that would surely influence Pink Floyd and their Alan's Psychedelic Breakfast; that cunning Rog Waters boy. Paul McCartney, the doppelganger, saves the day again with a bit from his solo album sessions, probably. John sings with Yoko? At least they did “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” later, maybe they were just warming up.

Thumbs down! says my Beatle heart. Shouldn't you quit, guys? The Xmas records I mean. But.. Oh well.

/*-----------   AND IN THE END… THE LOVE YOU TAKE.. ---------------------*/

THE RESIDENTS - God in Three Persons (1988)

Review by: Jonathan Moss
Album assigned by: Franco Micale

Franco loves the lyrics on this album, so I’m going to get them out of the way. They’re really good! I wouldn’t go quite as far as Franco in calling them “epic poetry” but they’re narrated with the humour The Residents are known for- of course for some that might be a sign straight away the album isn’t for them- and it does touch on some interesting philosophical themes. However I am no Alex Alex and thus cannot really go into the lyrics in any greater detail.

Alright, so this is an hour long concept album about a man called Mr. X - the narrator- discovering mystical conjoined twins with healing powers and touring them as a freak show. Then he tries to rape one and has an epiphany, or something. The story seems more like an excuse to visit Mr. X’s life and get some themes across than anything else. Anyway, the music, see the thing about the music is that due to the claustrophobia it seems minimalistic, though I’m not sure how genuine this is. Well, there’s a decent variety of instruments- guitars, synthesizers, horns, pianos, drums. Hell, even the synth, which I’d argue is the most prominent, switches between a low budget new wave sound and a grander, almost progressive rockish one. Still, the album definitely does seem to go for a similar vibe- one that seems to me to be like a seedy alley on an alien planet- and the Les Claypoolesque (only, y’know, this guy came first) spoken vocals give it a unity and repetition.

The album has been described as disturbing and while I wasn’t outright disturbed myself it does have some unsettling moments. But it also has a lot of fun parts! Take the first song (“Main Title From God in Three Persons”), which is dominated by pseudo-operatic female backing vocals that stay throughout the album, though not as prominent, save for some bits. Anyway, these slightly deranged vocals along with the almost show tune like melody serve to make it one of my favourite songs on the album. Then there’s “The Touch”, where they sing “fluttered down” which is very catchy, though in a different mood it could sound annoying.

The vocals could easily be isolated from the music and still be somewhat compelling, though I doubt you’d want to listen more than once. They’ve just got this quality, like they make this weird, new wavey avant-garde record also sound like a continuous talking blues song (a comparison I found original, until I read the Wikipedia page for God in Three Persons. If anyone asks I edited it).  

I must admit outside of other Residents albums for some bizarre reason this album reminded me of Philip Glass. Maybe it’s the minimalism- or the pseudo-minimalism- along with the female opera vocals. Now, these vocals don’t sound particularly similar to the ones employed in Glass’s operas but they serve a similar purpose and they definitely reminded me, to the extreme where the comparison was pummelling in my brain in an industrial headache that at one point got so intense I thought it was part of the album (not really). Outside of that this album seems split between artsy, melancholic songs, demented lo-fi children’s songs created by someone who hates children (and songs) and more peculiarly beautiful moments that remind me of their other album Not Available. And there’s some parts that sound like Scott Walker’s weird albums (sorry I couldn’t fit this in more naturally, I’m a hack). I would also compare it to Devo but let’s face it those guys were way better. 

The album is remarkably even, filled with poppy melodies, weird noises, artsy synths, catchy brass and eerie vibes (to clarify, not the instrument). Despite this there’s definitely some stand out tracks. One is “Fine Fat Flies”, which contains backing instrumentation that’d work in a noise record. There’s also “Loss of a Loved One”, which features the backing vocals singing “this is the sad paaaaart!” all meta like, backed by creepy- possibly synthesized- whistling and a mournful brass bit, while Mr. X narrates how his wife died (that’s why it’s the sad part!) Not even the detached southern spoken word can stop it from being a genuinely moving song with a peculiar sort of grandeur. The final song- Pain and Pleasure- also works well, sounding suitably climactic (backing vocals: “this is the end!”).

So, overall this is definitely a strong album, and probably one of the more accessible Residents album, to be honest it’s more art rock than avant-garde. Of course, this doesn’t stop me from pausing it when I hear my parents outside. 

THE TIGER LILLIES - Ad Nauseam (1995)

Review by: Franco Micale
Album assigned by: Alex Alex

Close your eyes, and imagine it’s 10:00 PM, and you are going to a night club. It’s a fancy place, with waiters serving cocktails, people dressed in luxurious wear, and a large stage at the center. Suddenly, the lights go dim, the chattering of the audience mutes, the curtain rises to reveal a group of three men wearing clown make-up, one of them with an accordion in hand, another with an upright bass, and the third behind a drum kit. The crowd gives an applause, but you can tell by their facial expressions that they are feeling uncertain about what exactly is going to happen. After a few seconds of silence, one of the members gives a count off, and the group begins playing. The singer steps toward the mic, and from his mouth comes…

ShE is THARE she is THARE in the LARdER

Dear god. That voice. That is one of the most ear piercing, off tune, and unnatural singing voices you have ever heard in your life. It sounds like a parrot going through puberty, or an awful female opera singer trying to imitate Louie Armstrong with a Scottish accent. 

The audience roars in laughter. This can only be a joke, right? The band continues playing, not giving a wink of notice to everyone’s reaction. For the first few songs, it seems like it’s all an absurd comedy act. A group playing cabaret music with the lead singer rasping out lyrics such as “Bumhole! Bumhole! Give us a bumhole do!”? Indeed, there's something strange going on tonight that is, in fact, not quite right.

However, at the fifth song, the atmosphere takes a drastic turn. The music gets quieter, bluesier, as the singer steps to the mic, and, attempting to smoothen his voice like a seductive jazz singer, he warbles:

“Beat me ‘till I'm black, beat me ‘till I'm blue, 

I will, I will love you. 

Beat me ‘till I cry, beat me ‘till I die, 

I will love you. 

And burn my house to the ground, 

I will not make a sound. 

Beat me ‘till I bleed, beat me, yes indeed, 

I will love you. 

Beat me ‘till I cry , beat me ‘till I die, 

I will love you.” 

Alas, it took a song about domestic abuse to get the audience upset. It now becomes apparent to them that, if this is a joke, then it is certainly a sick one. You can hear the incomprehensible angry mumbles of various people in the crowd, as they put on their coats and leave their tables.

You, however, don’t leave. But why not? You find the singer’s voice unlistenable and the lyrics appalling. Why not get your money back and just leave the club? Because...well, because you find yourself drawn in. You can’t deny that the music’s catchy, and that the singer’s ugly voice fits the harsh lyrics. You decide to stay for a bit longer, just to see where this act leads to.

On the seventh song, you find yourself tapping your foot and snapping your fingers. The singer tries sing at an alto range, while the bands plays a groovy samba rhythm. And the lyrics? 

“You are my whore, you are the one I adore,

you are the one that my twisted heart adores,

like a dog I will gnaw, like a dog I will paw,

you're the one that my twisted heart adores.”

Never mind the fact that they rhymed “adore” with “adores”, the song has a very likable charm to it that gets under your skin, and despite the profane lyrics and the alien singing, you find that this tune only further persuades to stay and hear the group play.

On the ninth song, you begin to feel a deep sadness, as there is something very hard-hitting about this acoustic tune. What is it? Maybe it’s the sentimental melody that runs through, or the way that the singer actually sounds soft and pleasant for once, or those absolutely heartbreaking lyrics...

“God holds your hand then, and she is so strong,

she's got a hand brake that lasts so long,

and God how she loves you when you feel blue.

Crushed, you're so crushed, you don't know what to do.

This world is a ghetto where money is the dream,

and you've pawned your last coat, with nothing to redeem.”

As the songs finishes, you can’t help but wipe a tear from your eye.

Although the rest of the performance is a lot of fun, you are also able to take the band seriously. The group tackles almost every single topic imaginable, from growing old, to homelessness, to suicide, to the music industry, to murder, to a little boy having his thumbs snapped off, all driven by snappy accordion music. There are, however, two particular songs that catch your attention - "Jesus" and "Violet”. The former details the cause and effect of homelessness from a second-person point of view, giving you a personal gut-punching perspective of the situation, while the the latter is a humorously tragic song about someone who is executed after being falsely accused of a crime he did not commit, only to be found innocent the day afterwards.

After the group finishes their final song, they take their bow, walk off stage, and the curtain closes. You look around, and notice that there is no one left in the audience. Well, that is, except for one sole person, standing right at the very front. Through the entire show, this man had been dancing bopping, and singing along to the music with great enthusiasm. Out of curiosity, you walk towards him, noticing the bubbly expression on his face and the inability for him to stand up straight. Since he doesn't seem to notice you, you tap his shoulder to catch his attention. 

"Uh...hello there, how did you like the show?" you ask, as you tap his shoulder to catch his attention.

He turns to face you, and, with an illuminating sparkle in his eye and wide smile more heartwarming and proud then you have ever seen, he responds, boosting with assertion and confidence:

"Ah! One can argue that the phenomenon of the pigs running is caused by the will of Our Lord Jesus Christ (Matthew 8:31) to which we immediately answer that all pigs must die and we do have other artists much more skillful in transmitting the complicated symbolism of such unlikely scenarios!"

And with that being said, he turned the other way, walked out the door, and disappeared into the moonlit night. 

You never saw him again.